Stockholm Syndrome - Induced by a Professional

I'm living in a dictatorship and sadly, I don't seem to be top dog.  This is not how my life was supposed to happen.  I was gonna be large and in charge and run my house like a military operation.  Iron fist in a velvet glove and all that.  Except real life isn't as easy as the fantasy.  And motherhood isn't as easy as Queen Mummy makes it look.  So, really, it's all her fault for doing it too well.

 

Anyway, the despot in question is 4 foot tall and 3ish stone. And totally without mercy.  Seriously.  A career in Gitmo is in his future.

 

I think I might have developed Stockholm Syndrome.  Little Prince has been testing the theories in his the Sleep Deprivation / Rewards for Good Behaviour portion of his "Dictatorship For Beginners" book.

 

Granted, he has a head start running the sleep deprivation ruse on a narcoleptic but there you go.  Every day for the last week, I have been woken between an hour and an hour and a half before the alarm.  With kisses and cuddles.  Little Prince has a lot on his mind and needs answers.  Now.

 

So the big questions of the week are as follows:

 

What does snail poo look like?

 

Why don't snake's willies fall off when they slither on the floor?

 

Why do penguins "wobble" instead of walk?

 

(The answers, by the way, are white strings, they're tucked inside the snake until they need to be used, and because their legs are short and their bums are big.)

 

After the most recent wakeup, Prince Daddy and Princess Mummy held a summit meeting.  We decided to explain to Little Prince that Princess Mummy needs unbroken blocks of sleep.  That waking me up is ok if it's important, but other things can wait til alarm time. 

 

Little Prince listened, took it in, gave me tons of kisses and cuddles and it all seemed to work.  Four clear nights.  Until this morning.  At ten past six a small shadow slipped into the room and between the covers. 

 

"Mummyyyy...?"  (kiss)

 

"Grugh!"

 

"Mummy, its important.  I can't sleep and I need to talk to you." (kiss, kiss)

 

"Grugh!"

 

"Mummy!  Why aren't hearts heart shaped?" (kiss)

 

"WHAT?!"

 

"Mummy." (kiss) "Just google it for me and then you can sleep."

 

Fail!